video; un: jjones

[slackbeard]

[Looks like there’s a particularly lanky teenager wearing a really dumb looking hat hanging out at the food court in the shopping center.]

I’m not gonna waste anyone’s time by going whoa hey wow outer space! Despite the fact that I'm feeling a little of that cosmic insignificance right now, and also kinda wishing I knew literally anything about space? I don’t even have a strong opinion on Pluto being a dwarf planet. That’s where I’m at, space-wise.

But nah, you've heard it all before. Instead, I’ve just got one question for the rest of you— [And he turns the camera to give everyone a flawless view of his beautiful creation. Work was boring! He has to express himself somehow!]

Anybody wanna eat my face?

Comments

un: just.marco

[brightline]

you get over the cosmic insignificance pretty quick, then it's just boring and/or horrifying. space, man.

holy crap. that is a work of art.

[slackbeard]

Isn't it? I'm glad at least one person here can recognize good work when they see it! My new boss was too busy going nooo, Jughead, that's a waste of company resources.

[It's like they didn't even get that food Jughead would be eaten later, as is only right and proper.]

Good to know about the boring and horrifying thing. I can handle both states pretty okay, if I do say so myself.

[brightline]

um that is totally not a waste. stick it up on the counter for a while you'll draw a lot of customers. for real. I'd definitely eat there if I saw that.

impressive. I'm just hoping we don't have to do the space war thing here. not fun.

[slackbeard]

This guy's not gonna survive the hour, but a new burger sculpture-- a better burger sculpture-- is absolutely gonna be created and used for advertising purposes. If boss doesn't like it I'll tell them to take it up with you.

--wait, space war? Evil empires or giant bug kind of war?

[brightline]

you can eat that much pizza and that many burgers in an hour? I have a friend you'd get along with. or maybe not, if you two were in the same room we'd all starve to death.

man, why pick one when you can have both?

[slackbeard]

Hey now! I don't know about your buddy, but I personally would never allow anyone to starve to death. My food powers are used only for good.

Mm. Wow. Both? Both is... terrible. That sounds terrible.

[brightline]

is that so? I should introduce you two sometime, you could teach him a thing or two about saving a cinnamon roll or some salt and grease for the rest of us.

yep. it's pretty terrible. I'm sure you can see why I'm hoping we aren't stuck doing it again.

( un: maine )

[rumbling]

that's what you do with your time?

[slackbeard]

Sure is. My time's valuable! Only the most productive uses are allowed. [Jughead stop lying.]

You want a part of this? The left arm's vegetarian, if that's what you're worried about.

[rumbling]

how is this productive?

[ Please explain. ]

[slackbeard]

I'm expressing myself in a non-destructive and artistic manner. Brightening up the ship! Nay, the fleet as a whole.

[rumbling]

by creating a statue of you, someone we don't even know, out of food.

[slackbeard]

Art is a complicated and mysterious thing. If I can make even one person question their reality and think critically, I've done my job.

But you make a good point! Jughead Jones, nice to meet you.

Video | un:NEKOMARU!NIDAI!

[nodyinteam]

Your face looks delicious!! I'll eat it whole!

[slackbeard]

Finally, somebody with taste! Can I interest you in a leg as well?

[nodyinteam]

Ha! It's a tempting offer... but that would be pushing my diet much too far! Your face will treat me just enough!

[slackbeard]

You're really gonna diet while we're in the middle of space? C'mon, man. Let yourself live!

[nodyinteam]

I do plenty of living as it is! I don't care if I'm in space or at the bottom of the ocean. No matter what, a team manager's diet is sacred! [He also has health reasons, but that's something he keeps on the extreme down low.]

[slackbeard]

Team manager, huh? What're you managing? [He asks, like he knows anything about sportsballs.]

un: washington

[sixth]

[ Food sculptures are all right in Wash's book. ]

Holy shit. You made that? Are you gonna eat it?

[slackbeard]

[a good man. a smart man.]

Depends on if anyone else wants a limb! I'll give as much away as I can and get rid of the rest myself. Can't let any part of burger Jughead go to waste!

[sixth]

Um, yes.

[ Dignity be damned in the face of food. ]

I want a piece of that.

[ That... sounds bad. ]

To eat.

[ Nailed it. ]

[slackbeard]

Another man with taste! Torso or foot? Half of one leg is vegetarian! --I think. I'm still navigating the choppy waters of space menu items.

[sixth]

Yeah, you know what, give me the leg that's half vegetarian. I like vegetables just as much as I like meat.

[slackbeard]

Is that a true fact about you or is that something you say to try to impress people? No judgement either way, just curious.