video; un: jjones

[slackbeard]

[Looks like there’s a particularly lanky teenager wearing a really dumb looking hat hanging out at the food court in the shopping center.]

I’m not gonna waste anyone’s time by going whoa hey wow outer space! Despite the fact that I'm feeling a little of that cosmic insignificance right now, and also kinda wishing I knew literally anything about space? I don’t even have a strong opinion on Pluto being a dwarf planet. That’s where I’m at, space-wise.

But nah, you've heard it all before. Instead, I’ve just got one question for the rest of you— [And he turns the camera to give everyone a flawless view of his beautiful creation. Work was boring! He has to express himself somehow!]

Anybody wanna eat my face?

Comments

[slackbeard]

But are the apples still just the regular, non-organic kind of apple? And are you the organic orange? Does that make the teams you manage the... seeds? The orange peel?

[nodyinteam]

Your right on the first two counts! But I was thinking the teams would be more like... the people who consume the fruits!

[slackbeard]

That has some weird coach-slash-manager sacrificial imagery that does not make team sports sound more appealing to me.

[nodyinteam]

It just means that a manager has to be ready to give his all for his athletes!! You just don't understand... YOU NEED TO SHOW SOME SPIRIT!!

[slackbeard]

That is both terrifying and also weirdly inspiring. [He's intimidated, but also, would follow this guy into the depths of dodgeball hell.] Too bad there aren't any sports team in space!

...right? Please tell me I'm right or else I feel like I just accidentally signed myself up for an intergalactic baseball team.

[nodyinteam]

[That's exactly the correct reaction to him.]

You're right! There aren't any sports in outer space.

[A pause. Light comes into his expression, as if something hits him, a divine epiphany that Jughead is solely responsible for.]

...But there could be!!

[slackbeard]

[What has he done.]

...orrrr there could... not be? How can you sports in space, dude. You break one window and we'll all be sucked into the empty blackness.

[nodyinteam]

Gahaha! To be sucked out into the void of space in the middle of an intense game?! Now that's one of the manliest ends I could wish for!

But don't you worry, Burger Face. I won't let it come to that.

I'LL STAKE MY PRIDE AS A TEAM MANAGER ON IIITTT!

[slackbeard]

That's so comforting to hear. I'm so comforted! The yelling about your pride, that's what really helps.

[nodyinteam]

What would a team manager be without pride?

But in case you thought that was completely serious, just know that I wouldn't let my athletes take a risk like that! Luckily, there's a number of areas in the interior of the ship where we won't have to worry about windows!

[slackbeard]

Is it the command deck? I hope you're gonna play football on the command deck.

[nodyinteam]

Ha! Now that would be a sight! It's about time that sports took control of this ship... But really, I'm pretty sure that parts of the training facility should fit the bill!

[slackbeard]

There's a what now. [A thing he hasn't bothered to look at, at all.] --okay well whatever it is, that sounds like an ideal place to put sports. Quarantine the sports.

[nodyinteam]

You don't know about the training facility?! Then you should get a tour... a first hand tour!! I'll even let you sample all of the toughest exercise machines!

[slackbeard]

That's... so generous of you. Wow. [rip jughead what has he done.] Thanks, friend.

[nodyinteam]

Gahahaha! Don't sweat it! Just come down there any time and shout out the name of NEKOMARU NIDAI! You'll be in only the most capable hands!