video; un: jjones

[slackbeard]

[Looks like there’s a particularly lanky teenager wearing a really dumb looking hat hanging out at the food court in the shopping center.]

I’m not gonna waste anyone’s time by going whoa hey wow outer space! Despite the fact that I'm feeling a little of that cosmic insignificance right now, and also kinda wishing I knew literally anything about space? I don’t even have a strong opinion on Pluto being a dwarf planet. That’s where I’m at, space-wise.

But nah, you've heard it all before. Instead, I’ve just got one question for the rest of you— [And he turns the camera to give everyone a flawless view of his beautiful creation. Work was boring! He has to express himself somehow!]

Anybody wanna eat my face?

Comments

[brightline]

you can eat that much pizza and that many burgers in an hour? I have a friend you'd get along with. or maybe not, if you two were in the same room we'd all starve to death.

man, why pick one when you can have both?

[slackbeard]

Hey now! I don't know about your buddy, but I personally would never allow anyone to starve to death. My food powers are used only for good.

Mm. Wow. Both? Both is... terrible. That sounds terrible.

[brightline]

is that so? I should introduce you two sometime, you could teach him a thing or two about saving a cinnamon roll or some salt and grease for the rest of us.

yep. it's pretty terrible. I'm sure you can see why I'm hoping we aren't stuck doing it again.

[slackbeard]

I'll do my best to pass on my formidable food-related wisdom.

All evidence so far points to no, yeah? Just a fun jaunt through deep space without any hostile bug aliens!

[brightline]

you, my friend, are a true pal. a stand-up guy. because I have been trying for literal years and can't get it through this guy's head.

so far, yeah. well, I mean, mostly. it's a city-sized ship that's part of a fleet on an unknown mission, which sets off most of my paranoia alarms, but hey. so far so good, right?

[slackbeard]

It just takes the special touch of someone who knows what he's going through.

Hey, the unknown mission thing could be fine. Unknown just means we're not sure that it's not terrible! This is fine, it's all fine.

[brightline]

hah. I can't say I've ever had an urge to eat cigarette butts, so I'm right out.

isn't unknown just code for 'too awful to come clean about' though?

[slackbeard]

[ppppause.]

He might be a more unique case than previously thought! We'll work on. Good on you, though, knowing what trash is and isn't for eating.

Sure, if you wanna be realistic about it.

[brightline]

unique is one way to out it. I can think of a few more colorful words too. ;)

I do my best. I mean, I still eat McDonald's so I can't say I never eat trash.

so I take it you're a 'denial' man. good to know. I'm a strategist so I don't have the luxury. sadly. disappointingly.

[slackbeard]

Hey now! The golden arches have terrible burgers but I've never met a better provider of three a.m. french fries.

Denial is pretty strong. I prefer to think of myself as a guy who rouses himself only when the people truly need him. You still aiming to be the strategy guy while you're here? Fresh universe, fresh start.