video; un: jjones

[slackbeard]

[Looks like there’s a particularly lanky teenager wearing a really dumb looking hat hanging out at the food court in the shopping center.]

I’m not gonna waste anyone’s time by going whoa hey wow outer space! Despite the fact that I'm feeling a little of that cosmic insignificance right now, and also kinda wishing I knew literally anything about space? I don’t even have a strong opinion on Pluto being a dwarf planet. That’s where I’m at, space-wise.

But nah, you've heard it all before. Instead, I’ve just got one question for the rest of you— [And he turns the camera to give everyone a flawless view of his beautiful creation. Work was boring! He has to express himself somehow!]

Anybody wanna eat my face?

Comments

[rumbling]

fast food, no.
got me there.
fruit, yeah.

[slackbeard]

--wait, what. Did I serious get my concept jacked by someone who works in fruit?

[slackbeard]

Another man with taste! Torso or foot? Half of one leg is vegetarian! --I think. I'm still navigating the choppy waters of space menu items.

[brightline]

you can eat that much pizza and that many burgers in an hour? I have a friend you'd get along with. or maybe not, if you two were in the same room we'd all starve to death.

man, why pick one when you can have both?

[nodyinteam]

It's entirely different! And that's barely even the first sentence of my resume!

Gym teachers are valuable parts of our society, but putting them on the same level as team managers is like comparing apples and oranges... organic oranges!!

[slackbeard]

Hey now! I don't know about your buddy, but I personally would never allow anyone to starve to death. My food powers are used only for good.

Mm. Wow. Both? Both is... terrible. That sounds terrible.

[slackbeard]

But are the apples still just the regular, non-organic kind of apple? And are you the organic orange? Does that make the teams you manage the... seeds? The orange peel?

[nodyinteam]

Your right on the first two counts! But I was thinking the teams would be more like... the people who consume the fruits!

[rumbling]

"work" is being too considerate.
when you're trapped on a ship for long bouts, you get bored.
couple teammates did it as a joke for another one.
joke was on them, though, because he ate it.

[sixth]

Yeah, you know what, give me the leg that's half vegetarian. I like vegetables just as much as I like meat.

[slackbeard]

That has some weird coach-slash-manager sacrificial imagery that does not make team sports sound more appealing to me.

[slackbeard]

I mean, what did they expect was gonna happen? No offense to your teammates, but if they didn't expect it to get eaten they're seriously lacking the deeper understanding required to be a real food artist.

[slackbeard]

Is that a true fact about you or is that something you say to try to impress people? No judgement either way, just curious.

[sixth]

[ That does make him sound like a big dork, doesn't it? Well, there's no help for it. ]

No, that's true. Most people want a snack, they go for junk. Me? I like fruits and vegetables.

[ Wash is kind of a big dork sometimes. ]

[nodyinteam]

It just means that a manager has to be ready to give his all for his athletes!! You just don't understand... YOU NEED TO SHOW SOME SPIRIT!!

[rumbling]

i don't think that was the kind of deep understanding they were capable of.
seems like a skill many don't possess.

[ He's definitely taking the piss on this. ]

[slackbeard]

[Big dork: confirmed.]

Tell me you don't also meditate in the mornings.

[slackbeard]

That is both terrifying and also weirdly inspiring. [He's intimidated, but also, would follow this guy into the depths of dodgeball hell.] Too bad there aren't any sports team in space!

...right? Please tell me I'm right or else I feel like I just accidentally signed myself up for an intergalactic baseball team.

[slackbeard]

Very few are lucky enough to have it! But you happen to be in the virtual presence of a guy who possesses-- nay, is a master of the skill. You're welcome.

[nodyinteam]

[That's exactly the correct reaction to him.]

You're right! There aren't any sports in outer space.

[A pause. Light comes into his expression, as if something hits him, a divine epiphany that Jughead is solely responsible for.]

...But there could be!!

[sixth]

What? No. I jog, though. It's good to keep fit.

[rumbling]

somehow i'll find a way to curb my excitement.

[slackbeard]

People keep telling me that and I just keep assuming that's jogger propaganda! Unless you're doing moon-jogging. Astro-jogging. Other kinds of space jogs, you know what I mean.

[slackbeard]

[What has he done.]

...orrrr there could... not be? How can you sports in space, dude. You break one window and we'll all be sucked into the empty blackness.

[slackbeard]

Let me help take your mind off it! When was the last time you were trapped on a ship for an extended period time and also how long was that period of time?