video; un: jjones

[slackbeard]

[Looks like there’s a particularly lanky teenager wearing a really dumb looking hat hanging out at the food court in the shopping center.]

I’m not gonna waste anyone’s time by going whoa hey wow outer space! Despite the fact that I'm feeling a little of that cosmic insignificance right now, and also kinda wishing I knew literally anything about space? I don’t even have a strong opinion on Pluto being a dwarf planet. That’s where I’m at, space-wise.

But nah, you've heard it all before. Instead, I’ve just got one question for the rest of you— [And he turns the camera to give everyone a flawless view of his beautiful creation. Work was boring! He has to express himself somehow!]

Anybody wanna eat my face?

Comments

( un: maine )

[rumbling]

that's what you do with your time?

[slackbeard]

Sure is. My time's valuable! Only the most productive uses are allowed. [Jughead stop lying.]

You want a part of this? The left arm's vegetarian, if that's what you're worried about.

[rumbling]

how is this productive?

[ Please explain. ]

[slackbeard]

I'm expressing myself in a non-destructive and artistic manner. Brightening up the ship! Nay, the fleet as a whole.

[rumbling]

by creating a statue of you, someone we don't even know, out of food.

[slackbeard]

Art is a complicated and mysterious thing. If I can make even one person question their reality and think critically, I've done my job.

But you make a good point! Jughead Jones, nice to meet you.

[rumbling]

maine. and interesting as the medium is, don't think it's going to cause anyone to question their reality.

[slackbeard]

It's memorable at least, right? Bet you've never seen a person rendered in high quality fast food from space before.

[rumbling]

fast food, no.
got me there.
fruit, yeah.

[slackbeard]

--wait, what. Did I serious get my concept jacked by someone who works in fruit?

[rumbling]

"work" is being too considerate.
when you're trapped on a ship for long bouts, you get bored.
couple teammates did it as a joke for another one.
joke was on them, though, because he ate it.

[slackbeard]

I mean, what did they expect was gonna happen? No offense to your teammates, but if they didn't expect it to get eaten they're seriously lacking the deeper understanding required to be a real food artist.

[rumbling]

i don't think that was the kind of deep understanding they were capable of.
seems like a skill many don't possess.

[ He's definitely taking the piss on this. ]

[slackbeard]

Very few are lucky enough to have it! But you happen to be in the virtual presence of a guy who possesses-- nay, is a master of the skill. You're welcome.

[rumbling]

somehow i'll find a way to curb my excitement.

[slackbeard]

Let me help take your mind off it! When was the last time you were trapped on a ship for an extended period time and also how long was that period of time?

[rumbling]

[ Yeah... that's probably not the best topic to change to.... ]

it's been a while since i was stuck on a ship.

[ He was trapped in another place though. ]

i lived on a ship for years. there was a war between humans and aliens; they wanted us all dead. military started getting creative and looking for ways to end it. i was part of that. being out here in shit like this is what i know.

[slackbeard]

[Well that's obviously not the answer he thought he was going to get. That's way more intense than he thought, oops.]

...sounds, uh. Rough. [Wow. Good job, Jughead. Great work.] So... you think this whole situation we're in is also about aliens wanting humans dead? Just wondering because that was not mentioned in the orientation video.

[rumbling]

no.

[ Probably.... ]

they'd likely have attacked by now if that was the case.
best to keep yourself prepared because someone might want us dead.
you never know who might be hostile and who might be on your side.

[slackbeard]

You're good at being reassuring, really aces. Just a tip though-- stop two sentences early next time. Some constructive crit!

[rumbling]

you would rather be caught unaware?

[slackbeard]

Rather not be caught at all, to be honest. I'm an eater, not a fighter.

[rumbling]

you can be both.

[ In fact, he knows someone who is!! ]

[slackbeard]

Sounds fake, if you'll pardon my narrow but comfortable views of the world. Fighting causes indigestion!

[rumbling]

eating causes indigestion. that argument is invalid.
i know someone who's exactly like that.
he's here. goes by washington.