video • un: el rey

[shabby]

[ The video opens on a man's face, a little too close up for a few seconds. Then he pulls the arm with the communicator back, lengthening the shot and showing vegetation behind him. He's in the atrium, currently sitting on a low hanging tree branch. ]

Hello, alien-abducted internet peoples.

[ He says it cheerfully, with a smile and a wave. For a man who comes from a world without shit like this, he's unperturbed. Possibly because he thinks it's a drug-induced hallucination. ]

How are you today? [ He gestures off to the side. ] This is crazy, no? Outer space and shit. It's like a movie.

[ The image shakes a little as he starts digging through his pants pocket. Eventually, he pulls out a joint and, remembering that he's in the middle of talking to people, asks; ]

Hey, does anybody have a lighter?

Comments

video; un: altea

[juniberries]

[she looks vaguely unamused.]

I would advise against lighting unnecessary fires on a spacecraft.

[shabby]

[ He waves the joint at the camera. ]

This is a very important fire. Can't smoke without it, amiga.

[juniberries]

[SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE QUIZNAK THAT IS, BUT....]

That looks recreational.

[shabby]

[ He nods. ]

Recreation's important. You gotta relax sometimes or you get all tense and uptight.

[juniberries]

Surely there are better relaxation techniques.

[shabby]

Sure. [ He shrugs. ] Sex works, too.

[ Wait. Is this alien flirtation? ]

Why? You wanna fuck or something?

[juniberries]

What?? [SHE JUST

IS SO TAKEN ABACK. and her voice cracks a bit. hahahahah no. she doesn't know what 'fuck' is but she certainly knows what sex is and...]

No. No! Certainly not.

[shabby]

[ Despite how easily anything can set him off, Vaas doesn't take offense to this. He just shrugs good-naturedly and holds up the joint again. ]

Well, there you go. Weed it is.

[juniberries]

Weed? [She furrows her brows a bit.] For what purpose would you smoke a weed?

[shabby]

I dunno. It gets you high. Makes you feel good. [ He shrugs. ] I don't know why.

[juniberries]

Aren't there other activities that do that? Because what you're describing sounds very much like a drug.

[shabby]

Yes. It's a drug. Marijuana. Weed. What? You don't have this where you come from?

[juniberries]

We had similar substances, yes. But it was either for medicinal purposes or...responsible recreation depending on the substance.

And even still, it was not something we'd encourage during space travel.

[shabby]

Why? What's wrong with getting high in space?

[juniberries]

It may endanger fellow crew members? Open flames and smoke are a potential hazard? Just to name a few?

[plus maybe she has a stick up her ass!! who knows!!!]

[shabby]

There are no crew members here. There's nobody but me. I won't set anything on fire.

[ Yet.

He would help her with that stick but she has already said no. He respects a lady's decision. Unless he's killing her or selling her into slavery. But that's just business. ]

[juniberries]

[buddy she'll kick your ass if you tried either of those things.]

There are crew members all over the ship. You are not alone on this vessel even if you are in a room by yourself.

But...good luck finding a lighter, I suppose. If we hear of an explosion a few ticks down the line we'll know who's to blame.

[shabby]

[ Nah, this isn't Rook. There's no point and nobody's making him sell people anymore. ]

Hermana, if you hear explosions, they're definitely gonna be me.

[ Because explosions are fun. ]

[juniberries]

[sorry, but...]

Hermana?

[shabby]

Yeah. It means sister, you know?

[ Uh oh. This is going to be that conversation with Christopher Mintz-Plasse all over again. Vaas can already see it coming. ]

[juniberries]

I am not your sister.

[please. with those ears?? and you propositioned her earlier??]

[shabby]

It's a philosophical point of fucking view, okay? I don't mean it literally.

[ Vaas' sister wanted to bang him and killed his parenrs when he wouldn't do it. It's why he ran away from home and got into the drugs. It's a sensitive issue. ]

[juniberries]

[I mean, she does understand the concept of found families and non-biological families. Coran, after all, is like family to her even though he's her advisor. but still.

you Earthlings and your weird turn of phrases...]

Well, I would hope you didn't mean it literally. But even in a figurative sense, why refer to a complete stranger as "sister"? That would suggest familiarity.

[shabby]

Why refer to a stranger as friend? It builds a sense of community. And that is very important.

[ Life lessons from Vaas Montenegro, everybody. ]