text, un: lunettes ( dated before the holiday mingle i.e. today )

[allweather]

[Reim understands absolutely nothing about... outer space, even after the initial orientation, so there's only one solution: writing himself a report about it. It's a force of habit, and he doesn't intend to share it at first (hence the strange heading) but he figures he might as well use it to present his various inquiries. He's going to be writing it anyway, so...

Well, it's better than looking out any windows and getting ulcers from space.]

CONFIDENTIAL/FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Report 1 (Rough draft) | Month X/Day X | Author: Reim Lunettes

We appear to be in outer space.

The author (hereafter "I/me") is unfamiliar with the concept of "space" as it has been presented here (more accurate word: the Heavens? This lacks the atmosphere of something heavenly...) but has taken up the task of organizing the information presented haphazardly during "Orientation."

I was able to speak with the attendant upon (...) waking, but unable to ascertain any pertinent information. The conversation began as follows:

Q. (to attendant) What is going on here?
A. All of your questions will be answered in a moment at Orientation.

While perhaps my demeanor had been more frantic than can be accurately portrayed here in words, all manner of simple questions were regarded in this fashion. Then, proceeding into the next room to watch a moving picture that continued to make absolutely no logical sense, followed by being presented with the following and left to my own devices:

• An uncomfortably small uniform. I do not think it will fit me.
• Some kind of pendant.
• This device.
• Additional information that still has yet to explain in full what a "starship" is but does at least provide some helpful rules and regulations to adjust to living aboard one. Whatever it may be.
• The stars are outside. I will have to ask someone for medication to eliminate vertigo.
• A transcription of the moving picture that still does not make an ounce of sense.

To this end, being left to my own devices as I am, I am currently making arrangements to seek additional counsel about what is actually going on here and why this bag has been referred to as a "duffel." Interviews with those who have been here longer than I will be conducted in the following format:

Respondent:
Time:
Place:
Notes:

Q. Hello. My name is Reim Lunettes and I would like to have a moment of your time. What is your name?

Q. Have you ever been to "space" before?

Q. How familiar are you with the items found aboard this "starship"?

Q. What items were packed inside your "duffel"?

With these questions, I believe I will be able to report back with a more thorough understanding of the situation.

[Anyway, hope everyone enjoys this report that is half serious and half fed up with not understanding why everything glows and the pictures move. This is probably deserving of ridicule, but only a little.]

Comments

[sixth]

Are you familiar with electricity? Serious question.

[allweather]

Not very, no. I'm more accustomed to steam power, perhaps, or oil lamps.

After everyone's responses, I know how that sounds. But I am learning, slowly but surely...

[kind of??]

[sixth]

Like steamboats, right? Okay so look. Imagine that it isn't steam that's turning gears and stuff. Instead, imagine lightning. Lightning's just energy. And energy like lightning, sort of, is what's powering everything in this.

[ Wash isn't a teacher. But he's trying. ]

[allweather]

[Oh. Well. Reim does appreciate the gesture, at least.]

Lightning. Then it is as dangerous as I assumed!

That said, that is easier to understand. The others merely kept bringing up more things I haven't heard of...

[sixth]

Yeah, you know, this kind of power is pretty dangerous. Useful too, but you gotta know what you're doing.

I've had to teach some pretty complicated things to people. Just repeating the same stuff over and over again doesn't help. You gotta figure out how to explain it so it's understood. I'm glad I could make it a little easier for you.

[allweather]

Thank you. What is it that you do, that you teach so many complicated things?

1/2

[sixth]

I'm a soldier. I lead armies. Some of the people under my command, they're...

[ How does he even explain this? ]

[sixth]

[ What the hell. Might as well be honest. ]

They're dumb. And lazy. Some of them find everything complicated. I do a lot of explaining.

[allweather]

I see. I am... I suppose you could call it "upper management," so I know rather well what it's like to deal with the lazy and moronic. But that's where the similarities end, I'm sure.

[He sure does know a lot of middle aged men who can't handle basic tasks like spelling correctly and not getting coffee mug rings on paperwork. Very stressful.]

[sixth]

[ Upper management might not include the same duties as leading an army, but Wash'll take it. He's been stuck with idiots for too long, even if they have grown on him. ]

Tasks might be different but the attitudes of the uncooperative are probably the same. If you need help with any of this stuff, I'll do my best to explain it. Might not have the answers for all of it, but I can try.

[allweather]

Thank you, that's very kind. I'll try not to question you about anything too obvious.

[sixth]

It's all right. Don't worry about it if you do.

[allweather]

Careful, or I'll take that as permission to come to you with only the most asinine things I can think of.

[sixth]

It wouldn't be the first time.

[allweather]

I had no idea the military demanded so much patience... It was only a joke.

[sixth]

I worked in some extenuating circumstances. It's not all that bad.