( video ; un: CHOSEN1 )

[dudebro]

[ The lighting is a little dim when the feed clicks on, the time of day pretty ambiguous. Is it morning? Night? Afternoon? We just don't know. The picture wobbles for a moment or two before Jason gets himself into view. There's a liquid sort of smile on his lips, his eyes lidded a bit heavily. It's clear someone's having fun. A little too much fun. In the background there's muffled thumping music; in the foreground Jason lifts a glass like a toast. ]

Hey. So, here's the thing. [ He takes a drink from the glass then noisily sets it down.  ] I know some of you are down on that planet doing shit or whatever. But listen— [ he brings the device closer, the picture going dark as it nearly presses against his cheek, ] listen. I have a request, okay?

[ He pulls the device back, still wearing a smile, but so totally serious. It's serious!! Are you guys listening?? ]

Bring me something back. [ His free hand lifts to mime smoking something against his mouth. ] Some good shit. Gotta be some cool alien shit down there, right?? [ He points his index finger up. ] No hallucinogenics, though. Oh! [ He looks excited for a second, index finger and thumb forming into the shape of a gun. ] Or some sweet alien weapons. How cool would that be??

[ Yes. He actually wastes time making what he thinks are alien gun noises. So a couple wooshes and pew-pew's. Thankfully, he does stop and sits there quietly for a moment or two. Then he gets up and takes a few steps, ]

The rest of you stuck up here like the chumps we are, come join me if you want. [ The music gets louder as he opens the door. ] It's fun! Let's have some fuckin' fun!

[ The camera pans out. He's in a club. A strip club. Women, men, naked, half-naked. It's fun!!! It's all good. Jason yells something unintelligible off-screen just before it goes black. ]

Comments

un: longshot

[andreios]

[ The great thing about being a Cylon, and knowing he's a Cylon, is that Sam can multitask better than before. Right now he's checking the comms, ignoring a blister on his ankle, trekking over some sandy dune, and listening to the conversation of the rest of his group. This mission hasn't been going well.

He's frustrated, a little cranky, and then there's this asshole. Really? ]

You want us to bring you back drugs. And weapons. [ Sam's expression might be a little flat here. ] Really.

[dudebro]

[ Meanwhile, Jason is too far gone currently to care about that flat look. He also might not have slept for a couple days. It's no big deal. ]

Well, yeah. I mean what else would you bring back? When else would you have the chance to bring back shit like that?

[andreios]

[ Motherfrakking idiot. ]

There are aliens down here trying to kill us. You're aware of that, right?

[dudebro]

[ Jason sighs as if he's so put out. ]

And? People try and kill each other all the time. Not all that special just because it's aliens. What's it like, man? Slimey, toothy motherfuckers? Ten eyes on either side of their heads? [ He leans a little closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial stage whisper; ] Tentacles?

[andreios]

[ Is this guy drunk? Why did he even respond to this? Why are his choices always so bad? ]

Yeah okay, but the point I'm making here is that I'm a little more concerned about not dying than I am finding you drugs.

[dudebro]

[ He is very much drunk. Also high. Double-whammy. ]

And yet you took the time to say something to me. Unclench, bro. It'll do you a world of favors.

[andreios]

It's called multitasking, bro. My people are really good at it.

[ At least, he's good at it. ]

[dudebro]

[ He blinks twice, brows furrowed as he clearly thinks about this. ]

Dude what? You're a peoples.

[ Wait. That sounds too much like Vaas. ]

Human. What're you talking about?

[andreios]

[ Maybe he should get a shirt. One in some godawful color that proclaims him a Cylon. And then probably an explanation of what that is. ]

No, I'm not. I'm a Cylon. We look human but we're not.

[dudebro]

[ He kind of has that dumb look again. Then he takes a drink, but still looks ( squints ) at the screen. ]

Wait, what?

[andreios]

[ Sam frowns. ]

I'm not human.

[dudebro]

[ There's a long silence. Sorry. Like an obnoxiously long silence where Jason is just staring so hard at the screen. ]

What? [ He sniffs then rubs one eye. ] Like one of those... I don't know. Those sex robots? Those are real, aren't they? [ No. Jason please. ] I mean why would someone build a robot that looks like you if it wasn't for fucking?

[ He's comfortable enough with himself to ask the hard-hitting questions.

Please don't hurt him. ]

[andreios]

[ There's a long silence on Sam's end too. He's been called a lot of things in his extremely long lifetime, but a sex robot is a first for him. Shock gives way to laughter and then he just can't stop.

Sex robot. Where the frak is Lee? He needs to hear this.

Eventually, he gets a hold of himself. Barely. ]

I'm not a frakking sex robot. Seriously? Do you actually have sex robots?

[ Maybe this is why the ancient Cylons rebelled... ]

[dudebro]

[ Jason looks offended for roughly .2 seconds before he laughs too. Though he doesn't really see what's so funny. He was being serious!!! ]

Man, I don't know. I heard those Europeans or some shit were trying to. Better than a blow-up doll, I guess. Though might be kinda weird putting your junk in a machine. What if it went all Skynet shit and chopped your dick off.

[ He laughs again; being drunk and high is so much nicer. ]

Shit, dude. That would suck so much!!

[andreios]

[ Sam's trying really hard here. These humans of the future aren't like the ones he's familiar with. And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it's good that they laugh at the idea of machines instead of fear them.

But gods—God—whatever, it's also really insulting. ]

You wouldn't need to put your junk inside me for me to rip it off. I could do that now with my bare hand.

[dudebro]

Dude!!! Seriously.

[ If he bends over a little to shield his junk from this proverbial ripping off of his body, that's his business. ]

That's not cool. Down right cruel, if you ask me.

[andreios]

[ Sam rolls his eyes. ]

So is forcing a machine to serve your sexual needs. Humanity created my people to serve as slaves and eventually the Cylons rebelled. They destroyed the human colonies and nearly wiped your people from existence. We aren't slaves. No machine is.

[dudebro]

[ Well, that kind sobers him up in a way he didn't expect. Why can't he ever have fun without someone harshing his buzz??? ]

Yeah, no shit. People aren't slaves, either.

[ And just the way he says that, heavy and loaded, means he knows some shit he wishes he didn't. ]

Man. [ He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. ] You always such a buzzkill, Longshot?

[andreios]

You're right. They're not.

[ A lesson the Cylons had to learn, hypocritical as they turned out to be. ]

Not always, no. Just touchy about some subjects, I guess. I died for our peoples to have a chance at peace.

[dudebro]

No way. [ His mouth forms an o-shape. ] You're dead, too?

[ Because he's still not sure what's going on with Vaas. Alive, dead, what. ]

Someone else here is. Was. [ . . . ] Should've been. You glad to be back or what?

[andreios]

[ Too? Sam's eyebrows lift. Should've been? ]

I made peace with my death prior to its occurrence and it wasn't the first time I've died, but I expected that it would be my last. So, yeah. I'm glad to be back.

[dudebro]

[ One day he'll tell Sam all about it. ]

Whaaaattttt? Not the first time? What's that mean? You get reincarnated or some shit?

[andreios]

Resurrected. I was one of the people responsible for creating resurrection technology for the Cylons. When my body died, I resurrected in another.

[ Sam almost sounds bored with it. It's all very normal for him. ]

[dudebro]

[ How is that boring?!?! ]

No shit. [ He sounds vaguely impressed. ] I bet you're cool as shit when you're not a buzzkill, Longshot.

[andreios]

That depends on what your definition of "cool as shit" is.

[ He's aware of the meaning of the phrase. He just doesn't know what qualifies. ]