√1 ( video | un: ROOT )

[symbiosys]

[It's late afternoon, and the ship's gardens come into view as the video feed starts, a massive topiary tree standing innocently in the background just waiting to be shaped into a work of art. The camera focuses on what appears to be a drone hovering in midair, the words BIRCH PLEASE 2.0 written on the side, identifying the flying object.]

I'm bored.

[Root sighs in an exaggerated manner. The drone flies up to the tree and begins its work of shaping the topiary, but no blades are involved: it's using various targeted laser beams, carefully programmed by the (usually perky) hacker hiding behind the camera.]

Don't get me wrong, it's not my first time being a gardener, and I do enjoy using laser tools and having a legitimate excuse for bad pick-up lines, [she explains, keeping the camera pointed at the beautiful and deadly ballet of various lasers shaping branches and leaves.] But it's just not the same as hacking, you know?

[The drone retreats after it finishes its task: shaping the topiary into an exact replica of the ISC Eluvio. As exact as topiary can ever be, that is.]

So I thought I might as well turn my boredom into something productive. Tell me, space friends, is there an app or program you'd just love to have? Maybe you want an upgraded fitbit that is perfectly adapted to all of your outer space needs, maybe you want to spend your day looking at cat videos, or maybe you just really like puzzles... the possibilities are endless. Just like the vast expanse of space that surrounds us.

Whatever you're thinking of, I can code it for you! [She sounds downright cheerful and friendly now.] For a small fee, of course. I’m a nice girl but I'm not that nice.

Comments

[symbiosys]

[She makes a noise that sounds a lot like 'ugh' when he mentions gym class.]

What can I say? I'm a girl of many talents. Shaping topiary with lasers is a recently acquired skill, though.

[slackbeard]

[And in that moment he felt a deep kinship with her.]

good to know you're using your time here productively

but for real just send me a message if you need something. there's not a lot I wouldn't do for space yelp, except murder and arson

[symbiosys]

[If only more people understood that gym class is the work of the devil.]

We have a deal, then! I'll start working on space yelp right away. And don't worry: I don't need any help with either of those things.

[Root no]