eluvio | √1 ( video

[It's late afternoon, and the ship's gardens come into view as the video feed starts, a massive topiary tree standing innocently in the background just waiting to be shaped into a work of art. The camera focuses on what appears to be a drone hovering in midair, the words BIRCH PLEASE 2.0 written on the side, identifying the flying object.]

I'm bored.

[Root sighs in an exaggerated manner. The drone flies up to the tree and begins its work of shaping the topiary, but no blades are involved: it's using various targeted laser beams, carefully programmed by the (usually perky) hacker hiding behind the camera.]

Don't get me wrong, it's not my first time being a gardener, and I do enjoy using laser tools and having a legitimate excuse for bad pick-up lines, [she explains, keeping the camera pointed at the beautiful and deadly ballet of various lasers shaping branches and leaves.] But it's just not the same as hacking, you know?

[The drone retreats after it finishes its task: shaping the topiary into an exact replica of the ISC Eluvio. As exact as topiary can ever be, that is.]

So I thought I might as well turn my boredom into something productive. Tell me, space friends, is there an app or program you'd just love to have? Maybe you want an upgraded fitbit that is perfectly adapted to all of your outer space needs, maybe you want to spend your day looking at cat videos, or maybe you just really like puzzles... the possibilities are endless. Just like the vast expanse of space that surrounds us.

Whatever you're thinking of, I can code it for you! [She sounds downright cheerful and friendly now.] For a small fee, of course. I’m a nice girl but I'm not that nice.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Oh, Matsuno Karamatsu, Root definitely remembers you. She always pays close attention to the network (the first thing she did upon arrival was to program a script that scans the network every second of every day in search of very specific keywords), and she's downright obsessive when it comes to tracking down Shaw's activity. Which is why (and how) she found his introduction video, and his hilarious conversation with Shaw, which had her laughing so hard she almost doubled over.

(She's been wanting to call the other woman 'thorny rose' ever since, but she really doesn't want Shaw to kill her.)

Root does her very best to sound innocent and shy, but her expression is far from either of those things. It's a good thing this is an audio reply.]

What a great idea. So many of us ladies are crippled by shyness and embarrassment when it comes to starting up a conversation with a dazzling gentleman such as yourself.

[She shouldn't lead him on with her own special brand of sarcasm and trolling, and yet...]

But tell me-- why would I create an app like that? I wouldn't want any competition.

[Root no.]

_{[ oh no...
Good thing he's on text cause he'd be stumbling slightly all over himself. ]}
If you feel strongly in that way, I suppose you can make an app..
Especially just for *us.*
_{[ ISN'T THAT JUST... CHATTING. LIKE THIS. ]}

[Just as planned.]

Oh no, I could never-- [She sounds almost shocked, even going as far as gasping quietly. A one on one talk... how could he suggest something so indecent?] Papa always said that a young lady should never be alone with a young man under any circumstances! I'm sure that applies to apps, too.

[This is especially hilarious because: a) she never even met her father at all, b) she hasn't been a young lady in a very long time, given she's 36 years old, and c) she's gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.]

_{[ It completely works, poor guy. There's a reason why his name is derived from the word meaning emptiness.
Though, Root may not have intended for this to happen: his respect for her suddenly skyrockets and, dare I say it, he... backs off. Slightly, at least. ]}

I see.
Unfortunate, that is, but i cannot violate a father's wish upon his precious daughter. His prized possession: the sunshine of his life.
Though, if it may be with your permission, perhaps we can talk and.. entertain one another through apps with somebody else as your escort.

_{[ ?? .... ??????
how do you use an app with an escort.. what.. ]}

[Poor guy indeed: Root is far too amused by her brilliant idea of playing coy and innocent, and even more amused by the fact that it's working. After all, this is the same girl who tasered and ziptied the woman who would eventually become the love of her life, during the first time they met, and who threatened to burn her with an iron only to find out that they both enjoyed that sort of thing; coy is definitely not her thing. At all.]

Thank you so much for your understanding. I-- I don't know, this is just so sudden! And just who would I ask to be my escort...?

[Maybe 'thorny rose' herself, or their military trained Belgian Malinois dog, Bear.]

Whoever you trust the very most.
I'm a dangerous, mysterious man. You're wise to show such apprehensive behavior as women usually do, but I promise you...

I am gentle as a lamb when I choose to be.

[Root can't believe this guy is actually serious about all of this, and yet she's absolutely sure that he is, given the way he talked to Sameen weeks ago. She meant to keep on trolling him for a little longer, she really did, but Karamatsu is so corny and he left such a good opening for Root to reveal her true self that she really can't let this opportunity pass.]

Oh, that is so kind of you-- but um, there's just one little problem, you see...

[She sounds wary, fragile, like the world's most delicate flower quivering in the gentle breeze... but when she speaks again, the change is as drastic as it is terrifying. This is the voice of a killer, a social chameleon and elite assassin: an apex predator sitting comfortably at the top of the food chain, hidden behind femininity and gracefulness.]

You may act like a lamb, but I'm the wolf.

_{[ The average person might have been startled by the poison in her tone. It's possible that they wouldn't have replied after something like that, and Karamatsu is more than thankful that he's not actually on camera for this, because Root would have definitely-totally seen that slightly queasy look on his face that accidentally slipped by. He would be lying (which he never does) if he said something about Root is really damn attractive when she talks like that.

Karamatsu may not have many skills. He's a loser, already in his mid-twenties— no job, no girlfriend, but he is one hell of an actor. He does a splendid time of concealing his actual feelings even when talking to the most observant person.

It does take him a moment to reply, though. ]}

Maybe one day, you can teach me to be your alpha.. as a pair.
_{[ Persistent and bold, right? Let's just say he's used to being around dangerous women shooting him down, but also doesn't have too much of a will to live if he was being real here (which he never likes to do, anyway.)

Go big or go home, but please, stop hitting on the lesbian. ]}

[Karamatsu takes so long to reply that Root thinks she scared him off and that her little game was too much for him to handle. Not that she cares either way-- Root can't help it, she loves pushing annoying men away; she takes special pleasure in scaring the shit out of them, too-- but it is the usual outcome when she does her best to sound terrifying.

So she's surprised when she sees the new message ping, and even more so when she actually reads those words with her own two eyes. Root bursts out laughing, and she takes a moment to calm down before she can speak again.]

You're persistent, I'll give you that. Too bad you're barking up the wrong tree. [Hitting on a former assassin and heavily armed lesbian is never a good idea.] A word of advice: if you need someone to teach you how to be an alpha, you were never an alpha in the first place.

_{[ She's right. He's never been alpha anything. He's always wanted to, but Osomatsu was technically born first— that kind of gave him direct leadership. What she says is a little sensitive subject, but Karamatsu refuses to show that he's offended. ]}

While that may be true, i still bare many other attractive traits.
Such as being persistent.
_{[ to him that's an attractive trait, ok.. ]}

√1 ( video | un: ROOT )

don't be sorry pls I love this kind of stuff! have some trolling tldr in return :v

thats good cause i love this kind of stuff

I'm laughing so hard, poor Karamatsu

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