√1 ( video | un: ROOT )

[symbiosys]

[It's late afternoon, and the ship's gardens come into view as the video feed starts, a massive topiary tree standing innocently in the background just waiting to be shaped into a work of art. The camera focuses on what appears to be a drone hovering in midair, the words BIRCH PLEASE 2.0 written on the side, identifying the flying object.]

I'm bored.

[Root sighs in an exaggerated manner. The drone flies up to the tree and begins its work of shaping the topiary, but no blades are involved: it's using various targeted laser beams, carefully programmed by the (usually perky) hacker hiding behind the camera.]

Don't get me wrong, it's not my first time being a gardener, and I do enjoy using laser tools and having a legitimate excuse for bad pick-up lines, [she explains, keeping the camera pointed at the beautiful and deadly ballet of various lasers shaping branches and leaves.] But it's just not the same as hacking, you know?

[The drone retreats after it finishes its task: shaping the topiary into an exact replica of the ISC Eluvio. As exact as topiary can ever be, that is.]

So I thought I might as well turn my boredom into something productive. Tell me, space friends, is there an app or program you'd just love to have? Maybe you want an upgraded fitbit that is perfectly adapted to all of your outer space needs, maybe you want to spend your day looking at cat videos, or maybe you just really like puzzles... the possibilities are endless. Just like the vast expanse of space that surrounds us.

Whatever you're thinking of, I can code it for you! [She sounds downright cheerful and friendly now.] For a small fee, of course. I’m a nice girl but I'm not that nice.

Comments

voice, un: shaw

[indigo5a]

[ Maybe you can sense the spit-up and finger paint that's staining her shirt and jeans right now in the quiet menace of of her low, displeased voice. ]

How about an app that can hypnotize brats into behaving?

voice, un: ROOT

[symbiosys]

[She can imagine it all too well, but she knows that Shaw looks gorgeous no matter what she's wearing or how stained her work clothes are.]

That seems doable, and only a little bit unethical.

[And suddenly it hits her, her greatest idea since she decided to equip a gardening drone with lasers:]

How about Mr. Bearenstain? It was a huge success in New York, you know. I wouldn't mind going back to the world of children's party entertaining for a little while.

[indigo5a]

[ Bearenstain. Something about that outfit she finds annoying. Maybe because it's so big and squishy and cute. Still, it might calm the runts down for half an hour at least. ]

Sure, yeah. Whatever works.

[ Also, this: ]

.... unethical?

[ She doesn't think so. Surely it's not as bad as shooting someone in the head. Or even the knee. ]

[symbiosys]

[Root suspects that Shaw also finds that outfit annoying because she wore it that one time she handcuffed the angry Persian to the subway bench.]

Great! I'll get a bear costume and we can plan this whole thing out.

[Does she sound far too excited for someone who's going to put on a giant bear costume and entertain children? Yep. The truth is that she's just really happy to spend more time with Shaw.]

Yes. I don't think most people approve of mind controlling infants, sweetie.

[indigo5a]

[ Don't talk about that time. She might get grumpy.

She grunts a little in answer to the bear-costume plan. Seriously, where are you even going to get a thing like that on a spaceship? It's such a random, useless thing. Eluvio is big, but not that big, right? ]

It's not mind-control. It's more like ... firmly suggesting.

[ Hey, Shaw knows all about mind control, or attempts to break it, at least. This isn't the same thing. ]

[symbiosys]

[Root sees nothing wrong with that; she loves it when Shaw's grumpy. Then again, she loves Shaw no matter what mood she's in, but she's especially adorable when she's grumpy.

To be perfectly honest, she's counting on the black market having bear costumes. She just hopes they won't be made out of actual bears.]

Riiight. Well, have you tried bribing them with candy?

[If regular candy fails, there's always the option of lacing it with child-safe tranquillizers...]

[indigo5a]

Doesn't work.

[ Because then they begin to expect that sort of thing always. And besides, the boss wasn't too happy about it. ]

[symbiosys]

Aha, so you did try it.

[Root is far too amused about this new bit of information: she just can't help it, the mental image of Shaw giving out candy to try to get those kids to calm down is too cute to handle.]

I'm not sure what else I can suggest here. The kids I babysat as a French nanny always behaved like the precious little angels they were.

[Translation: she never disciplined them. Ever.]

[indigo5a]

Hn.

[ As it turns out, bribery is frowned upon at the daycare. Besides, kids and sugar make a bad mix. They're way too hopped up. ]

Yeah, all of two days you had to watch them. [ Maybe it was longer, but she doesn't remember. Root had a lot of aliases. ]

[symbiosys]

Don't worry, Sameen-- if you bribe me with candy I promise I'll behave.

[Wink wink nudge nudge. Like she'd ever miss an opportunity to flirt with her.

Shaw is right: it was a little over two days, but that's totally not the point.]

Rude. Are you doubting my abilities? I'm great with kids.